5 Things You Need to Know as a Sports Parent
School is starting and with it the Fall Sports season is kicking off. Since I have been asked by multiple parents about things they can do to better support their child throughout the sport season, I wanted to also make these responses available to everyone. This post is to help parents who aren’t sure what to do, but who truly want to offer something positive to their young athletes. The desire to be a good parent is a great start, so let’s dig into it.
Keeping it simple, here are 5 things you can do to better support your young athletes.
Your athlete doesn’t need another coach, be the parent.
You are the parent and that is exactly what your athlete needs. They have coaches, they have someone critiquing their game and performance already. They need you to be the solid foundation that offers support, stability, and presencen. Let the game end and let the drive home be an opportunity to unwind rather than a time of defending themselves. Be someone they can confide in, lean on, and discuss questions with, don’t make them listen to their coach on the field and their parent coach on the way home.
If you are a parent coach, separate coach on the field with parent off of the field. If you need to, make a visual change. Remove the team hat, change your shirt out of the jersey, but switch to parent mode.
Ask about EXERIENCE, not RESULTS.
This one might be difficult at first. We always want to know how their game went or how practice went, but there are better ways to approach the topic besides “did you score?” or “what was the final score?” When we ask about their experience we learn more about who they are as athletes and people. Parents can learn where they can offer help through discussing experiences, rather than just criticism which usually comes from discussing outcomes.
Shift the conversation from outcome to developlment. Use open ended questions such as, “What was your favorite part of the game?” “What is something new that you learned about yourself?” “What is something you want to work on this week before your next game?” and LISTEN. Truly listen actively and be a participant in the conversation, not just the one driving it.
How you talk about their teammates and their coach can alter how they view them.
When you critique their teammates and coach negatively, it can create a negative perception in their minds. Remember, what you do, they will do. If you say, “Your coach doesn’t know what he is doing” it will often discredit their coach in their own mind and cause problems on the field and in practice. It is the same when you critique their teammates. A side comment such as “________ wasn’t even paying attention out there!” can cause a rift within the team and hurt your athlete’s relationships with their teammates.
Try to use positive dialogue to point out the strengths of teammates and coaches. You would be amazed to see the changes this creates in the dugout or on the bench. “I really like the effort _____ gave today, he has really improved!” “Your coach has been working hard to help some of the newer players, I haven’t seen many coaches with that type of focus. You got lucky this season!”
Let them struggle.
This is a hard one for parents. Parents awlays want to see their kids succeed and want to tell them the secrets to life. Parents hate seeing thier kids repeat the same mistakes they made when they were younger, but taking away the opportunity to fail also takes away an opportunity to develop resilience and perseverence for the future. Through the struggle of overcoming obstacles athletes can strengthen autonomy and competency (two of the three basic psychological needs that have been shown to increase intrinsic motivation and internalization of habits).
Rather than showing them the answer, teach them how to navigate the tumultuous waters of setbacks and obstacles. Come alongside and work with them to find the answers rather than giving them the answer. It might make your heart feel heavy, but these are lessons that will carry young athletes well beyond the sports field.
Be the person they can come home to.
They have enough coaches, teammates, and people that critique their performance. They live in a world where they fear that any and every mistake will be recorded and blasted all over the internet. Be something different. Be a place of love, support, and a safe place to come to when they are struggling. Be someone who will walk with them and allow them to try and fail with the purpose of learning.
These five things might seem simple, but I promise you that they will build life changing habits and skills that they will pass along one day. Sometimes the hardest thing parents can do is step back and keep their mouth shut when all the parents around them are yelling and screaming. A present parent who says, “you can do it” can create a more resilient and consistent athlete than a parent who points out every single thing a their child does wrong.
If you are a coach and want to bring this information to the parents of your athletes, reach out to me through the contact forms or the link below. I offer free parenting workshops to help parents learn how to better support their young athletes either in-person locally or through a Zoom call online. If you are a parent and want to learn more about how mental performance coaching can help you or your young athlete, sign-up for a free call and we can discuss your goals and obstacles.
~ Coach Tyler
